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When Date Night with Your Spouse Goes South . . . Again

My husband, Trevor, and I have a bad track record when it comes to our weekly date night. Often we return home unhappier than when we left.

A couple years ago, I surprised him with tickets to Cirque du Soleil. A friend told me she and her hubby loved the show, so I assumed we would too.

Ticket prices were steep, so I had to get creative with our budget. I depleted our date night category . . . discretionary category . . . garden category . . . and charged the rest to my personal spending category. (How did I think this was a good idea, being married to an accountant?!)

The evening began, lighthearted and fun, with Trevor guessing what we were doing and not getting even close. When we pulled up to the stadium, he was convinced it was a hockey game. It wasn’t until after we’d walked through security that he saw a sign advertising Cirque du Soleil.

Another Date Night Goes South . . . Again

We began our ascent up, up, up. My friend had told me there wasn’t a bad seat in the house, but apparently she hadn’t ventured this far up. Our seats were in the very last row at the tip-top of the stadium, and an arch was obstructing our view. And that’s when the whole tone changed. Trevor grew silent and sullen.

When the lights went down thirty minutes later, I moved to a better seat, Trevor trailing behind me. (He wasn’t thrilled with moving seats, as he’s more of a rule follower than I am.)

I didn’t feel I could enjoy the show, knowing that Trevor wasn’t thrilled. Even if he had been upbeat, though, the performers were speaking some gibberish language, and there didn’t seem to be a coherent storyline to follow.

To his credit, Trevor thanked me a couple times at the end, but it seemed forced. When we went to bed that night, he wasn’t looking me in the eyes. So much for my epic date night.

Many times I’ve just wanted to give up and say, If they’re gonna hurt this bad, let’s just forget date nights. Have you had a similar experience?

I always knew that wasn’t the answer, though. Here are a few problems we’ve bumped into on our date nights, as well as a few solutions we’ve found:

Date Night Problems . . . And Solutions

Problem #1: You don’t have a plan beforehand. 

Solution: When we realized that coming up with a plan “on the fly” wasn’t working for us, we tried surprising each other by planning a date night for the other (as I did with Cirque du Soleil). However, it didn’t take long for us to realize that was not a good idea for us.

So we compiled a Google document of date night ideas that we’d both enjoy. Give it a shot, and consider adding categories like:

  • Indoors
  • Outdoors
  • Winter
  • Summer
  • Cheap (ahem, Paula!)
  • In-home (for when you have kids)

Save yourself some heartache and don’t try to figure out what you’re doing as you’re climbing into the car. Be intentional in planning ahead.

Read the other four problems—and solutions—over at TrueWoman.com

I’d love to hear from you. Do you resonate with this struggle? Do you go on date nights? If you do, what has worked well for you?

If you do feel like you’re one of the only married couples who doesn’t have wonderful weekly date nights, know that you’re not alone. At the very least, the Marstellers are with you! We hope and pray that our struggles and attempted solutions help you to pursue deeper intimacy and enjoyment of one another.

My Long-Distance Relationship with Trevor (An Interview)

Good morning! I’m responding to a few questions about my long-distance relationship with Trevor at DatingAtADistance.com today. Questions like, How did you:

  • Grow in your relationship with God while you were in a long-distance relationship?
  • Make the decision to move to the city where Trevor lived before you were married?

And:

  • How did the two of you manage conflict and communication?
  • What advice would you give to someone just starting a long-distance relationship?

Here’s a short sample:

How did you grow in your relationship with God while you were in a long-distance relationship?

In the same ways I had while single. By digging into God’s Word daily and communicating with Him through prayer—though definitely in a more distracted state!

I was also challenged to search the Scriptures and reconsider some beliefs I’d always held. Trevor had differing views and more freedoms than I was used to—specifically when it came to drinking alcohol. Another biggie was his understanding of how to discern God’s will, which was quite different from mine. That has resulted in much greater freedom in my life. If you’d like to read more on this, here are some posts on decision making.

Trevor has also been such a tangible picture of God’s steadfast love for me, even when the ugliness of my sin has been laid bare.

Catch the rest of the interview at DatingAtADistance.com