2013

Stop It!

By / Leave a Comment / Boy Crazy, The Gospel

Have you watched this video of Catherine’s visit to the psychologist?

 

 

The psychologist had just one piece of advice: STOP IT!

When I posted the “How Boy-Crazy Are You?” quiz last week, several of you wrote back with what would’ve been a great follow-up question for that psychologist: How do I stop? Here are a few of your questions:

This crush has really been standing in the way between me and loving Jesus wholeheartedly. Instead of trusting Him to satisfy my soul, I’m obsessing over this guy who may not even be my future husband and having a completely imaginary relationship with him. What should I do especially now that school is starting again? The more I see him, the more I think about him.
stop


How can I counteract these thoughts and feelings? I’ve tried but just can’t.

I’m trying to learn how to be God-crazy, but it’s really hard. I try to specifically give “him” back to God every time I find my heart longing for him, but it seems like every time I see him the feelings come washing back over me. It doesn’t help really that he’s the type of guy I think I’d want to marry someday. I know I’d be devastated if he started dating someone else. Is there anything more I can do to not let my heart belong to him?
 
Lately all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want a boyfriend. I don’t know how to shake it. Someone tell me how to change this!

Unlike the psychologist in this video, I have surprising news for you:

You can’t stop it!

If you’ve read chapter nine of my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, you know I was right where you were not long ago. I wanted desperately to fix myself—not ’cause I realized it was sin to give all my love to a “little g god” (guys) rather than to the “Big G God,”—but ’cause I was plain ‘ole sick of the pain.

So I tried to stop it. I busied myself. I ignored guys. I refused to hope (it’s safer that way). I lied to myself. I even journaled about becoming a nun:

Steve asked if I wanted to study with him and a few others at a coffee shop. I did and struggled so much. I know he’s getting together with Megan, but when I look in his eyes, I’m extremely attracted to him. He touches me, leans in when talking, and flirts. He tickled me and held out my coat for me to put my arm in. I want to scream at him to stop, but it’s my problem. I wish I could go to a convent and be a nun.

Since I didn’t know of any convents in the area, I turned to hate. After all, you can’t love someone when you’re busy hating them!

But all my attempts to stop it were like slapping a flimsy Band-Aid on a deep, gaping wound. Colossians 2:20–23 explains that boundaries and rules aren’t enough to stop me from doing wrong. On their own, they’re not capable of getting to the root issue—they don’t deal a deathblow to the old me.

The same is true for you. You can’t stop it. You can’t fix yourself. You can’t handle this on your own. Jesus says,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5, emphasis added). 

Do you believe that?

I realize this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear. And I don’t want to leave you with no hope like that psychologist did for Catherine. Because there is hope! Even as I tell you that you can’t stop it, I believe with all my heart—and have personally experienced—that change is possible. No, you can’t fix who you are on your own, but God is in the business of transforming broken girls into beautiful trophies of His grace!

I want to unpack how God does this over the next few weeks with you. (I know, I know, you just want a quick fix. Be patient with me!) And if you absolutely can’t wait that long, pick up a copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. In fact, I’ll give away another copy of the book if you’ll share about my book on your Facebook or Twitter account. Let me know here that you did so, and I’ll choose one winner at random on Monday, September 9.

Until then . . . stay away from that psychologist!

Les Miserables And The Relationship In My Head

By / Leave a Comment / Boy Crazy, Emotions

Last month my friend turned thirty, and a small group of us got together to celebrate her life and friendship. After a lovely dinner in an idyllic outdoor garden, we drove to the local civic theatre to watch the play Les Miserables.

Even though I’m familiar with the story, it wasn’t until I watched the play that I realized Eponine and I have something big in common.

When Eponine realizes Marius loves Cosette and not her, she sings the heartbreaking song “On My Own.” As the lyrics washed over me, I couldn’t help but think that Eponine must have read chapter six in my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.

Chapter six (“The Relationship in My Head”) is where I admit to the imaginary relationship I had for years with Caleb. Oh, for the longest time I didn’t realize it was in my head. But like Eponine, there came a moment of truth when I saw that my relationship with Caleb had never been anything more than a fantasy.

See what I mean as you read these excerpts from Eponine’s song. I’ve italicized the lines that especially point to her “imaginary relationship.”
in love

On My Own
. . . now the night is near
Now I can make believe he’s here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I’m happy
With the company I’m keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me . . .
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there’s a way for us

. . . every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only been pretending . . .

How about you? Can you relate? Are you counting on a relationship that’s only in your head? Here’s a short true/false quiz from my book to help you find out:

The “Is It in Your Head?” Quiz

  1. I talk about my crush more than I talk to him. (true/false)
  2. He’s never actually told me he likes me, but I have good reason to believe he does. (true/false)
  3. I constantly “collect evidence” to convince myself he likes me—smiles, laughter, words, and looks. (true/false)

If you answered true to some or all of these questions, you’re in danger of counting on a relationship that’s only in your head.

Let me know your answers below by Monday, August 26, and I’ll send one of you a copy of my new book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.

To read all about my relationship with Caleb—and also discover what a girl’s to do when she realizes (like Eponine and me) that a relationship is only in her head—order a copy of my book here.

Are You A Judas?

By / Leave a Comment / Straight to Scripture

Every August our staff gets together for one week (“Seek Week”) to refocus on Jesus before we launch into a new year of ministry. With just three weeks ’til my book releases, this Seek Week found me cranking out bored woman“book” work (book marketing, book website, book interviews, book, book, book) . . . and cold-hearted. I was working for Jesus, but I sure wasn’t enjoying Him.

When Pastor Walter Price told us he’d be preaching on Judas Iscariot, my ears perked up. I’d never heard a sermon preached about the disciple who betrayed Jesus. (Have you?)

Walter didn’t disappoint. And boy, did he sober me up when he said,

Judas knew the blessings of proximity to the things of God, he did a lot of great things for God, but he didn’t know God.

I’ve never thought about all the great things Judas got to do. Here’s just a peek from Matthew 10:

He [Jesus] called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction (v. 1).

Just to be sure we don’t miss it, Matthew lists all twelve names of the men Jesus sent out, ending with

. . . and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him (v. 4).

Judas was there! Check out the mind-blowing miracles Judas performed:

These twelve Jesus sent out, instructing them . . . “Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons” (vv. 5, 8).

Not only did Judas do miracles, he saw miracles right and left. In Mark 6:43, Judas ate ’til he was stuffed—and then he brought home a whole basket of bread and fish—after Jesus fed 5,000 people with a skimpy five loaves and two fish.

And yet . . . Jesus hadn’t captured Judas’ heart; money had. Judas betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver—enough silver, at least, to buy a field (Matt. 27:3–10).

Judas’ story puts skin to Matthew 7:21–23, the most sobering words of Jesus in the Bible—at least in my opinion:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'”

So I need to ask, are you busy doing things for Jesus without really loving Him? Are you telling others about Jesus but not truly delighting in His beauty?

If so, let me help you out by giving you a glimpse of Jesus’ beauty. Just before His death, Jesus tells the same twelve men that one of them is going to betray Him. He then leans over to Judas and says, “What you are going to do, do quickly.” The passage continues, 

“Now no one at the table knew why he said this to him” (John 13:27-28).

Did you catch that? None of the other eleven disciples suspected Judas. Jesus had never treated Judas any differently than the rest of His disciples. All along Jesus knew what was in Judas’ heart, how Judas would betray Him, but Jesus loved Judas all the same. I don’t know about you, but I find that just beautiful.

Girls, my prayer for you—and me—is that we would never be too busy working “for” Jesus that we miss “drinking from the river of His delights” (Ps. 36:8).

Eight Ways To Prepare For Persecution

By / Leave a Comment / Death, Suffering

If Jesus says we can expect persecution (and He does), then I sure want to know how to prepare for it. So with the help of Thomas Watson’s book The Beatitudes, I came up with the following eight ways to prepare for persecution:

1. Get to know Jesus better. In the words of Watson, “A man can never die for him he does not know.” Are you satisfied with what you know of Christ, or do you woman holding Biblelong for an even closer friendship with Him?

2. Store up God’s Word in your heart—especially His promises to those who suffer for Him. Promises like Matthew 10:28–33, Mark 10:29–30, Psalm 91:14–16, 1 Corinthians 10:13, and Matthew 10:19–20.

3. Read the stories of those who have been persecuted for Jesus. Sure, some of the details may make you squeamish, but these stories will infuse you with courage and give you examples to imitate. My recent favorite is Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand, founder of The Voice of the Martyrs. There are so many more, like the story of Perpetua, a courageous woman who died in AD 203.

4. Don’t be so quick to always defend yourself; trust God to be your Defender. This is tough. We’re proud, and proud people tend to think they’re above suffering. Are you willing to let go of your high opinion of yourself and trust God with your reputation?

5. Replace fear of man with a healthy fear of God. Jesus puts it like this in Matthew 10:28, “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul [men]. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell [God].”

6. Treasure truth. In a world filled with lies and confusion, wholeheartedly seek after truth and lovingly share it with others. Don’t be easily swayed by people’s words and arguments. Examine everything you hear against the truth of God’s Word to test whether or not it’s true (Acts 17:11).

7. Pursue righteousness. Jesus says “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake” (Matt. 5:10, emphasis added). Run from evil. Repent of your sin. Keep a clear conscience before God. Pursue Him.

8. Look for ways to deny yourself rather than always pampering yourself. I used to know a guy who regularly slept on the floor rather than in a bed. I’m not recommending that, but if you always choose the very best for yourself, you’ll have a hard time when you experience real suffering. Besides, Jesus told His followers in Matthew 16:24–25, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

“Before a man can die for Christ he must be dead to the world,” Thomas Watson said. The apostle Paul lived that way. In Galatians 6:14 he said, “Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”

How do you plan on preparing for the very real possibility of persecution? Tell me about it.

How Close Do You Want To Get . . . Really?

By / Leave a Comment / God

pressing closeYou should’ve seen it. This Sunday, the church gymnasium was transformed into the bustling city of Jerusalem around A.D. 30. After I’d joined the tribe of Ephraim and received a bag of denarii (Roman money), I sat down cross-legged in the temple, right in front of the veil leading to the Holy of Holies (where I never would have been allowed in real life!).

That’s when little Sarah came over and squeezed herself onto my lap. Then, when the shofar blew signaling it was time to move on to the next station, Sarah slipped her little hand into mine as we walked a few steps to the synagogue. She sat in my lap again as we learned to sing the Shema in Hebrew and stayed close all morning as we went from booth to booth.

And then, while we were at the potter’s shop, I heard a shout, “It’s Jesus!” If I hadn’t already been told that the Sunday school teacher Chris was playing the part, I wouldn’t have recognized him with that wig of long, curly, dark hair. He slowly wove his way through the crowd of 400 people, hugging the children as he went.

Sarah pulled me forward, not content to watch from behind a wall of people. I let her pull me so far, and then I slowed, not wanting the adults to wonder why I was crowding Jesus and not letting others have their turn. But Sarah wouldn’t let up. I stopped, she strained. She pulled, I resisted. Finally, she dropped my hand and went around the mountain in the middle of the room so she could get to Jesus.

Sarah wasn’t the only child who did this. Instinctively, without any scripting, all the children wanted to get as close as they could to Jesus. Maybe that’s why Jesus told His perturbed disciples so many years ago,

“Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it” (Luke 18:16–17). 

As I saw the difference between me and Sarah, I couldn’t help but wonder how close I would’ve tried to get to Jesus if I’d been alive when He walked this earth. Would I have been willing and desperate enough to cry out loudly with Bartimaeus, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me”—even when everyone around me was telling me to just be quiet? Or would I have been more like Nicodemus who came to Jesus under the cover of night so no one would see?

More importantly, how desperate am I today to get as close as possible to Jesus? Am I content to hang back and observe Him along with the grown-ups, or am I pressing forward with the children to stare up in wonder at Him?

I’m afraid I know the answer, and oh, how I long for that to change.

So thank you, Sarah. You have no idea what you taught me this week. I want to be like you when I grow up.

PS: I’m curious. What do you think it actually looks like to want to get close to Jesus today?