I’ll always consider successfully matchmaking two couples at one dinner party one of my greatest achievements. (Trevor jokes my head won’t fit through the door now because it’s so big.) Seriously, though, what a gift to be used by God to help a couple of Christian couples find and get to know each other. More
One of the coolest, unexpected blessings resulting from publishing “Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl” is the questions I receive; Girls (and guys) email me unveiling their relationship struggles and asking for my advice. Until Covid, all of this took place over email. But now… More
Are you currently in—or considering—entering a long-distance dating relationship? If so, this interview “Dating at a Distance” did with me will encourage you in your own relationship. Enjoy! More
“Should I move to the same city where my long-distance boyfriend lives?” That is the question on the table for today. The topic came across my radar when I received this email: More
Hey, girls! Since it’s the day after Valentine’s Day and love is still in the air (or at least on our minds), I thought I’d share this interview with you from GospelMag.com. I hope my responses will help you as you think about someday possibly moving from singleness to marriage. Enjoy! More
Recently I heard from a girl who was struggling to remain pure. She had just started dating a guy long distance. After her first weekend visit, she wrote: The physical temptation is so real. Even the smallest thing will set off a wildfire in my heart. It’s a war I didn’t realize I would struggle with. I wish I had been more prepared to guard our hearts in the most heart-racing moments. I can relate.
My Rule-Making Strategy
Before Trevor and I married, we also dated long distance. I’ll never forget my first visit to spend time with him over Christmas. Unlike this girl above, I did anticipate that it would be tough physically. So I set a couple rules for myself before boarding the plane:
- No lying down horizontally.
- No kissing on the lips.
And while I technically didn’t break either of those rules on that first visit, I found myself flirting at the very edges of those boundaries, like a hummingbird hovering near sweet nectar.
I kept “the letter of the law” while ignoring “the spirit of the law.” I observed my literal rules but not the intent behind the rules: purity, so I might see and enjoy God (Matt. 5:8).
Don’t just run from sexual immorality, though. Run to Christ.
It was soon blazingly obvious: Rules weren’t going to do the trick of keeping me pure. For example, if I had set a boundary, “I won’t be in a bedroom with him with the door closed,” my flesh would surely have countered, “Okay, I’ll go to the garage instead.”
Pastor and theologian Gerald Hiestand describes this well when he writes, “Every ‘objective’ boundary can be worked around by sin-inspired creativity.”
Colossians 2:20–23 also explains that boundaries and rules aren’t enough to keep us from doing wrong. On our own, they’re not capable of getting to the root issue—they don’t deal a deathblow to our ungodly passions and desires.
What, then, is to be done?
Your Dating Strategy
First, as 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.” Get your running shoes on and start sprinting like mad! Don’t just run from sexual immorality, though. Run to Christ.
- Flee sexual immorality and fly to Christ, in whom every treasure is found.
- Ask God to send His Spirit to help you see and despise your sin.
- Be brutal with your sin. Don’t just exile it; cut its head off!
I’m not saying there is no place in dating for boundaries. But even if you do set rules, don’t rely on them alone to keep you pure. You aren’t strong enough to battle your ungodly passions in your own strength. Run to Christ. Only He is strong enough.
Be brutal with your sin. Don’t just exile it; cut its head off!
How about you? Have you set any rules or boundaries for yourself once you begin dating? If so, what will you do when your flesh doesn’t cooperate with your good intentions? Then what?
Why Rules Aren’t Enough to Keep You Pure was originally posted on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.
“How did you know Trevor was the one for you?” a seventeen-year-old asked me. “I struggle with knowing if a guy is right for me. Every day I ask God to help me figure out my confusion.” More
When should you start to date (or court)? Here are three tell-tale signs (among others) that you’re ready: More
Note: A girl just emailed me asking for advice. “I’m falling in love with an atheist” she explained. The man she’s falling for just happens to be her dance partner, causing her to interact with him several times a week. Knowing that she’s not the only girl who has fallen for someone who doesn’t share her faith, she graciously agreed to let me share my response with you.
Two weeks ago I shared how I was finally dating a godly man, and I was less than enthused. I knew he wasn’t meeting my expectations, but I couldn’t have even told you what exactly those expectations were. So one tear-filled afternoon, I finally forced myself to sit down and identify my expectations for a dating relationship. More