Have you watched this video of Catherine’s visit to the psychologist?
The psychologist had just one piece of advice: STOP IT!
When I posted the “How Boy-Crazy Are You?” quiz last week, several of you wrote back with what would’ve been a great follow-up question for that psychologist: How do I stop? Here are a few of your questions:
This crush has really been standing in the way between me and loving Jesus wholeheartedly. Instead of trusting Him to satisfy my soul, I’m obsessing over this guy who may not even be my future husband and having a completely imaginary relationship with him. What should I do especially now that school is starting again? The more I see him, the more I think about him.
How can I counteract these thoughts and feelings? I’ve tried but just can’t.
I’m trying to learn how to be God-crazy, but it’s really hard. I try to specifically give “him” back to God every time I find my heart longing for him, but it seems like every time I see him the feelings come washing back over me. It doesn’t help really that he’s the type of guy I think I’d want to marry someday. I know I’d be devastated if he started dating someone else. Is there anything more I can do to not let my heart belong to him?
Lately all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want a boyfriend. I don’t know how to shake it. Someone tell me how to change this!
Unlike the psychologist in this video, I have surprising news for you:
You can’t stop it.
If you’ve read chapter nine of my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, you know I was right where you were not long ago. I wanted desperately to fix myself—not ’cause I realized it was sin to give all my love to a “little g god” (guys) rather than to the “Big G God,”—but ’cause I was plain ‘ole sick of the pain.
So I tried to stop it. I busied myself. I ignored guys. I refused to hope (it’s safer that way). I lied to myself. I even journaled about becoming a nun:
Steve asked if I wanted to study with him and a few others at a coffee shop. I did and struggled so much. I know he’s getting together with Megan, but when I look in his eyes, I’m extremely attracted to him. He touches me, leans in when talking, and flirts. He tickled me and held out my coat for me to put my arm in. I want to scream at him to stop, but it’s my problem. I wish I could go to a convent and be a nun.
Since I didn’t know of any convents in the area, I turned to hate. After all, you can’t love someone when you’re busy hating them!
But all my attempts to stop it were like slapping a flimsy Band-Aid on a deep, gaping wound. Colossians 2:20–23 explains that boundaries and rules aren’t enough to stop me from doing wrong. On their own, they’re not capable of getting to the root issue—they don’t deal a deathblow to the old me.
The same is true for you. You can’t stop it. You can’t fix yourself. You can’t handle this on your own. Jesus says,
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5, emphasis added).
Do you believe that?
I realize this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear. And I don’t want to leave you with no hope like that psychologist did for Catherine. Because there is hope! Even as I tell you that you can’t stop it, I believe with all my heart—and have personally experienced—that change is possible. No, you can’t fix who you are on your own, but God is in the business of transforming broken girls into beautiful trophies of His grace!
I want to unpack how God does this over the next few weeks with you. (I know, I know, you just want a quick fix. Be patient with me!) And if you absolutely can’t wait that long, pick up a copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. In fact, I’ll give away another copy of the book if you’ll share about my book on your Facebook or Twitter account. Let me know here that you did so, and I’ll choose one winner at random on Monday, September 9.
Until then . . . stay away from that psychologist!
“Stop It!” was originally posted on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.
Paula (Hendricks) Marsteller is a compassionate Christian communicator.