Last month my friend turned thirty, and a small group of us got together to celebrate her life and friendship. After a lovely dinner in an idyllic outdoor garden, we drove to the local civic theatre to watch the play Les Miserables. Even though I’m familiar with the story, it wasn’t until I watched the play that I realized Eponine and I have something big in common.
When Eponine realizes Marius loves Cosette and not her, she sings the heartbreaking song “On My Own.” As the lyrics washed over me, I couldn’t help but think that Eponine must have read chapter six in my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.
Chapter six (“The Relationship in My Head”) is where I admit to the imaginary relationship I had for years with Caleb. Oh, for the longest time I didn’t realize it was in my head. But like Eponine, there came a moment of truth when I saw that my relationship with Caleb had never been anything more than a fantasy.
See what I mean as you read these excerpts from Eponine’s song. I’ve italicized the lines that especially point to her “imaginary relationship.”
On My Own
. . . now the night is near
Now I can make believe he’s here
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I’m happy
With the company I’m keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
I walk with him till morning
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me . . .
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there’s a way for us
. . . every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only been pretending . . .
How about you? Can you relate? Are you counting on a relationship that’s only in your head? Here’s a short true/false quiz from my book to help you find out:
The “Is It in Your Head?” Quiz
- I talk about my crush more than I talk to him. (true/false)
- He’s never actually told me he likes me, but I have good reason to believe he does. (true/false)
- I constantly “collect evidence” to convince myself he likes me—smiles, laughter, words, and looks. (true/false)
If you answered true to some or all of these questions, you’re in danger of counting on a relationship that’s only in your head.
To read all about my relationship with Caleb—and also discover what a girl’s to do when she realizes (like Eponine and me) that a relationship is only in her head—order a copy of my book here.
“Les Miserables And The Relationship In My Head” was originally posted on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.