This Christmas, give that young woman in your life a gift that feels like a warm hug. (Read the following email over my shoulder to understand this phrase.) More
One of the coolest, unexpected blessings resulting from publishing “Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl” is the questions I receive; Girls (and guys) email me unveiling their relationship struggles and asking for my advice. Until Covid, all of this took place over email. But now… More
How boy crazy are you? (Or that daughter of yours?) You might be surprised. Maria wrote, “I never thought I was the boy crazy type, but when I honestly answered the boy crazy quiz, I realized I crush on guys a lot. This quiz was a good reality check.”
Take the “How Boy Crazy Are You Quiz” to find out how you or that girl in your life rates. Simply answer “yes” or “no” to these thirteen questions. More
“Do thoughts about other boys/crushes disappear when you are married?” More than one boy-crazy girl has asked me this question. In other words, “Will marriage cure my boy-craziness?”
Now that we’ve tackled these two questions:
It’s time for the third and most important question:
- What can I do about my boy-craziness?
“Let him go. Move on, already,” your friends tell you. “Like, yesterday. You should be over him by now!” After all, it has been months. Years. More
Have you ever thought a guy you liked was interested in you, but at the same time you’ve felt super confused after your interactions with him? Yeah, me too. I think it happens a lot, unfortunately. Here’s what one girl asked me recently:
I’m in so much emotional turmoil. I cry almost every day over whether he’s interested in me or not. I know it’s absolutely silly and I determine not to do it, but I can’t help how I feel. I don’t know if I should just end my turmoil by telling him how I feel and then let whatever happens happen. Is that acceptable or is that wrong to tell him I’m interested and let him accept or reject me? I’ve never believed in the woman pursuing the man, but he is okay with that. I just don’t know if this is an issue if I should tell him I am interested in him. Please help!
Here are a few questions I sent her in response. I pray they will also help you if and when you find yourself in a similar bind in the future:
- What specifically leads you to believe this guy is interested in you?
- Have you given your friendship enough time to develop naturally, or are you impatiently pushing for more (Prov. 19:2)? If this describes you, check out what these guys have to say in “Should a Guy Pursue a Girl Like a Dying Man Looking for Water in a Desert?“
- Have mature, wise adults in your life also noticed this guy’s special interest in you (Prov. 1:5)?
- Are you aware of other girls who are confused by this guy’s interactions with them and who also wonder if he’s interested in them? If so, you may need to gently confront him about his unwise interactions with young women (Matt. 18:15).
- If you put yourself out there and tell him you like him, how do you know your turmoil will end? What if he responds by telling you he’s not sure how he feels about you?
- What do you think would be best for this guy at this point in his life? If he’s extremely busy, do you think he even has time for a committed relationship?
- Can you trust God—and this guy—to open this conversation if and when it’s the right time (Ps. 25:3)?
- Do you believe that if this guy is settled in both his feelings for you and in God’s blessing of your relationship that he will have the courage to tell you how he feels about you? If you’re not certain he has the guts to do this, is he really a man you could respect for life (Eph. 5:33)?
- Imagine this guy doesn’t respond as you hope. Will telling him how you feel about him leave you feeling free and peaceful . . . or desperate and worthless?
- What if, rather than pressing the issue with this guy, you changed your focus and began seeking and serving God wholeheartedly until He sends a guy who makes his intentions for you clear (1 Cor. 7:24)?
What do you think? Have you ever told a guy you liked him? How did things turn out? Do you think this girl should tell her crush that she likes him? Why or why not?
PS: For more on this topic, check out the post “Why Not Pursue Him?“
Should You Tell Him You Like Him? was originally published on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.
I hear a really nice guy has been showing you a lot of attention lately. I know you’ve gone on a couple dates, and you like him a lot. He’s told you he’s a Christian, but you’re not sure how strong he is in his faith.
Maybe he is a Christian; maybe he isn’t. I don’t know. But here are a few thing I do know . . .
Be on the lookout for the fruit of faith. Anyone can claim to be a Christian (just like anyone can claim to be an astrophysicist), but there should be evidence of Christ’s transformative work in His followers. James (Jesus’ brother) puts it like this:
What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? . . . So also, faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead (2:14, 17, emphasis added).
Pay attention to how this guy lives. Is he living like a young man who has been redeemed from the slave block of sin? Or is he still living like a slave to sin (Rom. 6:15–23)? Put him to the test (1 John 4:1). I’ve included one below.
You shouldn’t have to wonder if this guy is a Christian or not. It should be obvious. As 2 Corinthians 5:17 says:
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
No, he’s not going to be perfect. Yes, we’re all in process. But if he truly has the Holy Spirit of God living in him, he will look more and more like His adoptive Father.
If he truly has the Holy Spirit of God living in him, he will look more and more like His adoptive Father.
Trust me on this one. You don’t want someone who maybe, possibly, probably, hopefully is a Christian. One who just barely squeezes by. You want a thriving Christian. A white-hot Christian. A young man who is well on his way to being able to lead you spiritually.
So here are a few questions to ask about him, straight from 1 John:
- Does he walk in “light,” or does he walk in “darkness” (1 John 1:6–7)?
- Does he confess his sins, or does he claim not to have sin in his life (1 John 1:8–10)?
- Does he keep God’s commandments, or does he live differently than Jesus lived (1 John 2:3–6)?
- Does he love others, or does he hate others (1 John 2:9–11, 4:7–21)?
- Does he love the Father, or does he love the world and the things in the world (1 John 2:15–17)?
- Does he confess that Jesus is God, or does he deny that Jesus is God (1 John 2:22–23)?
- Does he practice righteousness (1 John 2:29) or does he make a practice of sinning (1 John 3:4–10)?
- Does he believe that Jesus came to earth and took on human flesh, or does he not believe this (1 John 4:2–3)?
- Does he have the Spirit of God? The Son of God? Or is he just doing life on his own (1 John 3:24; 4:12)?
If the majority of your answers were on the right side of the comma rather than the left, this guy is not for you, nice as he might seem. God is the treasure in this life—and in the life to come—and you will want a man who will consistently point you to this treasure . . . through his words and his life.
How about you? Are you currently dating or considering dating someone you have doubts about? Where does this post find you today? I’d love to hear from you.
How to Tell if He’s a Christian was originally published on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.
Christian guys can seem like an endangered species. So when suddenly you find yourself serving alongside a hardworking, Jesus-loving, baby-carrying brother, it can be easy to lose your mind. More