A Call to Careful Matchmaking in the Church

I’ll always consider successfully matchmaking two couples at one dinner party one of my greatest achievements. (Trevor jokes my head won’t fit through the door now because it’s so big.) Seriously, though, what a gift to be used by God to help a couple of Christian couples find and get to know each other.

One Dinner Party and Two Weddings Later

The dinner party setup and subsequent party one week later allowed Jordan and Ethan to get to know Amanda and Gabby—at least enough to know they wanted to pursue them further. What a fun summer that was: Trevor stood up in both weddings just two weeks apart.

I want you to experience our same joy. More than that, I believe your prayerful, careful matchmaking is desperately needed in the church.

As a woman who longed to be married years for years (it finally happened for me at the age of 32), this need is dear to my heart. Finding a suitable spouse seems impossible these days. Where can you meet him or her if not in a bar or on an online app? (Not that this doesn’t happen; Trevor and I met online—on Twitter.)

But surely we can do better for those in the church. That’s where you come in. But first, one important disclaimer.

Meet Ethan and Gabby Fordham, one of the lovely couples we matched at that dinner party.

Beware of Unwelcome Matchmaking in the Church

Please: Only offer your matchmaking services to those you know are open to marriage and who would welcome your help. If you’re not sure, ask. One single man told me,

“I went through a period of time where I had resolved not to date as I was too busy and working on sins and struggles in my life. But every other week people from church would pull me aside and suggest I date someone they knew. There were lots of uncomfortable conversations.”

Similarly, a mom of a single woman told me,

“My daughter’s biggest frustration is the need to fix her up with the one other single in her congregation.”

Let me be clear: Singleness isn’t a disease; it’s a gift.

At the same time, marriage is a gift as well. And if it’s a gift your single friend longs for, here’s how you can help.

Tips for Matchmaking In the Church

Examine your motives. Don’t matchmake because you crave romance. Instead, matchmake out of love for your single friends and so one more couple can showcase the beauty of the gospel to a watching world (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Listen well. Do you know what your friend desires in a spouse? Not just any Christian will do. Ask lots of questions. What sort of person does he or she need to complement them?
Pray for wisdom. Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Ask God for wisdom and success.
Brainstorm together. Discuss people you both know—including married people—to identify qualities they appreciate. Then brainstorm suitable singles. Let your single friend provide input along the way.
Open your home. Do so in the most natural, non-awkward way. I sent Amanda and Gabby a Facebook message inviting them for dinner and mentioned we were “having a couple other friends over” as well.
Open your home again. Continue to open your home so your single friends have other opportunities to get to know each other. We followed that dinner party up with another party one week later and invited others to join.
Don’t overlook older singles. Just this week I received an email from someone in their late sixties asking, “How do older singles find spouses?” Ideally, this same way: in community, with the help of the church.