How Could He Choose Her?

I still remember where I was when Mary told me the guy I’d liked for over a year was now dating . . . her. A girl who—in my opinion—wasn’t nearly as pretty as me. I looked down at the cracks as we walked that small town sidewalk, holding back tears as I felt my heart cracking.

How could he like her? What did he see in her?

And maybe more importantly,

Why was I not enough for him? Why didn’t he choose me?

Have you ever been there?

Totally taken back? Heartbroken? Jealous?

You didn’t earn God’s love, and you won’t earn the love of a man.

It’s too late for me to try to encourage my younger self walking down that weathered sidewalk with cracked insides, but maybe I can encourage you.

Here’s what I want you to know most of all:

Love isn’t a commodity you earn by your good looks or your social skills or your résumé or your spirituality. Love is an undeserved gift from your all-wise, kind, generous heavenly Father.

First John tells us that this is love: “not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (4:10).

You didn’t earn God’s love, and you won’t earn the love of a man. Just as God’s love for you was a gracious gift, a man’s love for you will be a precious gift. You won’t earn it. You won’t deserve it. And if he’s a godly (God-like) man, you won’t have to fight to keep it.

Wait, sweet girl. God’s “no” is as much a gift as His “yes.” He gives the best gifts. He proved that at the cross. And He will continue to give you His very best.

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Rom. 8:32).

I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever wondered how your crush could choose that girl? Are you seeking to earn a guy’s love or waiting on your heavenly Father to give you His very best?

How Could He Choose HER? was originally posted on
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Paula (Hendricks) Marsteller is a compassionate, bold Christian communicator offering you gospel hope, thought-provoking questions, and practical help along the way.

8 thoughts on “How Could He Choose Her?”

  1. That happened to me long ago… I felt I was on a race, but against no one… Only me and my broken, so broken heart. After three years he was seing “her” and me at the same time, and i believed the horrible lie the world ( and satan) told me… ” I just have to compete with her , so he might stay by my side” I was so wrong. Finally, he chose her over me and I was free, after 5 years dating this guy. I was overwhelmed, but I trusted my savior, He just wouldn’t and couldn’t leave me alone and miserable. So I felt in love with Jesus just as one song says: truly, madly, deeply ( good phrase to be used on a blog huh?) and he showed me what love is! Now I’m married to a wonderful man, I couldn’t be happier… Thank God he chose her over me, God’s plan was BEST in this case! (Sorry for my poor english. I’m reading you from Venezuela)

  2. This was really encouraging, thank you!
    I can definitely relate to what you talked about here. When you’re talking about crushes, recreational dating, etc. it is very easy to slip into an “I have to earn this” mindset. It’s easy to get possessive of what we think we’ve earned and that can lead to jealousy. The truth however, is that love can never be earned. We need to trust God’s best plan.
    Can’t tell you how perfect the timing of this post was in my own life. Thank you!

  3. He sort of DID choose me, but things got physical too quickly. When I finally got up the nerve to talk to him about it, 2 months later, he denied that he even did it. I feel devastated. There was so much I liked about how he took the lead, was appropriately affectionate at first, reassuring, how he made me feel. But 1 Cor. 13 stopped describing him…

    1. Dear Leah,

      I am so sorry for your pain but so glad you realized sooner than later what he was really made of.

      May you learn and grow in wisdom from this.

      Praying for you now,


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